Playing House

Blah blah, apologies for not posting. Though, it's not like anyone actually reads this anyway. But Risa has been updating her blog with more frequency, and so, I've been motivated to check back in.

So, as for a life update, basically nothing new to report. Aside from landing a sweet summer gig in Chicago, life is basically: the same as it was last year, and the same as it will be next year. The only way to tell the difference is date on my 1040. (Oh, IRS humor!) All hail the Joys of Law School.

Probably...........the biggest thing going on right now is the possibility of moving in with the Boyf. It's been "up for discussion" for months now, but we're not really making any progress. Things peaked when I thought I had a subletter for the summer and I needed to stay in my apartment, but now that I don't, I'm free again to move.

But there's been so much damn drama surrounding this whole thing, I can't even say for sure if it's a good idea. Initially, I thought it was. I think our biggest issue is that we spend the bulk of our time communicating electronically (IM, text), which I really hate. It's difficult to convey proper emotion, sarcasm, inflection, etc. And, whenever you're IMing or texting, you're 99% also doing something else. I know when we're "chatting" - he's got the TV on, or just died while playing Ghost Recon Advanced Shooting Game Whatever and is waiting for the screen to reload, or reading the Mixed Martial Arts online forums for the zillionth time that day. Point being, IM/text is the least personal mode of communication, and I think that because we use it so often, messages get mis-conveyed and we end up having giant fights over stupid crap.

So, wouldn't living together solve that problem? More in-person time together? Less fighting over how a word was to be construed? We are soon-to-be-lawyers after all. Are we just destined to constantly argue over every little stupid thing?

Yeah, I don't know. Aside from the fact that it's poorly heated, has no dishwasher or washer/dryer, doesn't allow pets, and requires constant avoidance of being towed during the summer, I do like my apartment. And I like doing silly single girl things in my apartment. For example, in the morning, post-shower, I enjoy dancing around naked to '80s dance tunes. Yes, I do. I like doing my nails whenever I want, without having to worry if the nail polish smell is going to bother anyone. I like talking on the phone late at night, with disturbing (or being disturbed by) anyone. I like watching sappy romantic chick flicks and crying at the TV. When I'm stressed and/or have to stay up late to do a project, I like to bake cookies. When I'm cleaning, I sing along with my itunes. Loudly. And, sometimes, I just like to sit in my big comfy red chair with the windows open and read a book. No TV, no music, no internet.

Boyf does not enjoy any of those things. Boyf probably doesn't understand, or care about, the simple joy I gain from any of those things.

I constantly feel like I'm the one that's making little sacrifices for "us" all the time. I always go over to his place on the weekends. I bring us lunch during school. I go to his UFC pay per views. I watch him play xbox until he "finishes this checkpoint." I go to BestBuy whenever he wants. I initiate conversations about our "issues" when we're having them. I've told him so many times that I just want a him to care a little bit more about me/us that I've basically just given up and accepted my romance-less relationship. And so, I had just resigned that I would give up some more of myself by moving in together. I will accept the "single guy stuff." The loud, ear-shattering metal music, the "xbox-in-the-dark" play time, the ESPN constantly in the background.

But what about my "single girl stuff"?

And, furthermore.... He has all the incentive to want to move in together, and yet I'm the one that's pushing for an answer so we can just make a flippin' decision. He has to move for next year. (I don't.) He has hardly any furniture. (I do.) He's trying to cut his budget and save money. (Mine's not terrible.)

Is this a typical girl relationship-killer move? Pressuring him to move in? Am I? Maybe, but, all I really want is a freakin' answer. One way or the other. If he just said no, it would not be the end of the world. Perhaps I've just turned him off to the whole idea altogether because I keep hounding him about it. Well, if that's the case, then I doubt he ever really wanted to move in together in the first place. And the last I want to do is "pressure" him to do it. I feel like if we were really excited about living together....then, we'd be actually excited about living together. As opposed to constantly fighting over it (just like everything else). He has no interest in going to look at apartments, and he doesn't look at the links that I send him, though he has plenty of time to criticize my choices.

I don't think I'm exerting any more energy on this. If we don't figure it out by this weekend, I'm staying in my apartment. Tow trucks and all.